The Talk
by princessforeveralone
Summary: When Meredy asks where do babies come from, Ultear and the rest of the Kin try to explain it to her. will they succeed?
1. where do they come from?

**Okay…so…a story focused on Meredy and Ultear, Like I mentioned in two of my other stories, but I'll just make this a two-shot. I really don't know if you guys like the idea but I'll give it a shot anyway. For those who cried their eyes out (like me), enjoy some Mother-Daughter humor! **

**By the way, this is set before the Tenrou Island arc. Meredy is about…nine years old in this fic. And I don't own Fairy Tail! **

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In the Grimoire Heart airship, the guilds strongest team, The Seven Kin of Purgatory. And their Master, Hades is having a meeting. Their master was seated at the end of the long table. Ultear, the eldest of the team, was seated at the other end. The rest of the Kin: Zancrow, Hikaru, Caprico, Azuma, Rustyrose, and their youngest member, who is only about nine years old, Meredy. Meredy was seated near Ultear, Zancrow next to Meredy, Hikaru in front of Meredy, Caprico seated next to Hikaru, Rustyrose seated next to Zancrow, and Azuma right next to Rustyrose.

"Zancrow, try not to destroy the Training Area…again" Hades grumbled. "and please, try not to kill your comrades."

Zancrow just laughed "I wouldn't kill them if they weren't so weak!" he spat. "so…is this meeting over yet?"

"I-I'm hungry!" Hikaru exclaimed.

"Yes. Now run along so I can read my novel in peace." Hades stated. The Seven Kin started to stand up.

"Alright! Training time!" Zancrow yelled, getting up from his seat. "Meredy, come on let's train!"

"Huh?" Meredy said as she stared at the god slayer. "Again?"

"Yeah!"

Meredy glared at Zancrow. "you just broke my wrist while training last week!" Meredy showed him her broken right hand. "what makes you think I can train today?!"

Zancrow immediately tried to think of something to say to persuade the young girl to train '_crap' _he thought, _'I have to think of something…'_

"You still have your left wrist right?"

_Thwack_

Zancrow was now rubbing the injured spot on his head. "Ow! What the hell was that for?!" He turned around and saw their leader with an annoyed look on her face.

"She can't train with you right now you idiot." The time mage said. "Besides…"

Ultear then looked at Meredy. "whenever both of you train with each other, the Taining area needs to be repaired."

"Uhh…well…I uh…" Zancrow stuttered. "IT WAS MEREDY!" he yelled as he pointed a finger at the nine-year old.

"WHAT?!"

"What?" Ultear repeated.

"Yeah! It was Meredy! That's right! Her magic blades always miss so they always hit the walls!"

"That's not true!" Meredy defended herself. "Zancrow, you're lying!"

"Eh?"

"Enough!" Ultear shouted, making the two younger mages stop. "Zancrow!"

"Yeah?"

"Stop pestering Meredy to train! You already broke her wrist!"

"We can still break the other one"

_Thwack_

Zancrow was now in a kneeling position holding onto his head. "What the hell did I say?!"

"Are you planning to break her other wrist?!"

"That's what wrists are for right?" Zancrow reasoned. "Right?"

Ultear sighed, calming herself down. "Zancrow, you really need to see a doctor."

"what for? You're going Mommy Mode again!" Zancrow shouted. "you keep treating that kid" Zancrow pointed to Meredy "Like a baby!"

"I do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

Meredy, who was getting tired of all this fighting tried to think of a way to stop all this. Even master Hades looked about ready to explode with anger.

"You keep treating her like a baby!" Zancrow shouted at Ultear once more.

"I do not!" Ultear screamed at the god slayer.

_Baby._

…

That's it!

"Hey Ul, where do babies come from?" Meredy asked. This was the perfect opportunity. After all, she has been wondering about that for quite some time.

Zancrow and Ultear immediately stopped their screaming contest and stared at Meredy with a nervous look on their faces. The rest of the Kin merely stared at Ultear. Hades looked like he was going to suffer a heart attack.

"d-don't call me Ul! A-and… what was that? I think I didn't hear you clearly." Ultear said. True, she knew she had to explain it to the girl someday but not this early! She was only nine years old! That's way too early!

Meredy tilted her head a little. Why is Ultear acting nervous? Ultear never acted nervous before…

Suddenly Ultear looked at each of the Kin one by one, "all of you are going to help me here!"

The rest of the Kin agreed, except for Rustyrose. For they were too scared of what would happen to them if they didn't.

Rustyrose stepped forward "why do I have to help you? my poems are waiting to be written by me in my room!"

Ultear glared at the man "if you don't help me a hospital bed will be waiting for you!"

Rustyrose gulped. _'How brutal is this woman?!'_ he thought.

All of them now turned to Meredy.

Ultear took deep breaths "Well, Meredy you see…"

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**Hahaha! A cliff hanger! So… I decided that this will be a two-shot! It's more fun that way! And for those who support my other story: It's all Jellal's fault, I hope you like this as well! **

**Please wait patiently for the next chapter. As well as the next chapter of 'It's all Jellal's fault' I'm still working on it. **

**Tell me what you think of this chapter in a review! **

**Ja Ne minna~**


	2. Ultear's solution

**Yo! It's me again and welcome to the final chapter of 'The Talk'.**

**Please, sit back, relax, and enjoy reading!**

**I do not own Fairy Tail. All rights go to the troll, Hiro Mahima. Seriously, he is a TROLL.**

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"Well, M-Meredy…y-you see…" Ultear stuttered.

Rustyrose was tapping his foot in impatience. "Just say it woman!" he screamed.

"Sh-shut up!" Ultear shouted back. She then turned her fellow team members. "all of you! help me out here!"

Meredy was even more confused. She just asked where babies came from. So why is Ultear acting this way?

Ultear cleared her throat, interrupting the young girl's thoughts. "well, Meredy…"

"Uh..you see.." by now, Ultear was shaking like crazy, she kept opening her mouth as if to say something but immediately closed them again.

Azuma, who wanted to get this over with, decided to speak up. "They come from trees."

Meredy looked thoughtful. "They do?"

"yes."

"so…you can make babies with your magic?"

Azuma's eyes went wide as he blushed a deep red. "W-w-w-w-w-what?! N-no!"

Ultear pushed Azuma aside. "Meredy, he's lying!" that's not true!"

"eh?" Meredy titlted her head. Now she was really confused.

Ultear took a deep breath. "Meredy…babies come from baby trees."

The other Kin just screamed at her. "That's not true either!"

Ultear crossed her arms under her…rather large breasts and closed her eyes in irritation. "I'd like to see you do better."

"Alright! Gihihihhi **(A/N: what an annoying laugh) **Meredy, Babies come from…" He said. "Babies come from…actually, where **do **babies come from?" Zancrow asked, scratching his head.

Suddenly, he felt a kick and was sent flying backwards. "Ouch!" Zancrow exclaimed, holding onto his stomach in pain. "What the hell?!"

Ultear was standing there, looking calm. But all of them know that she is quite irritated now. Especially with Zancrow. She took a deep breath and said, "What the hell?! You act all brave and smart and you don't even know where babies come from!" okay, more like screamed.

This time, Rustyrose decided to speak up. "Meredy." He said. "your question, it…disturbs me to know that you do not even know about human reproduction. You poor, poor, uneducated child…" He started shaking the pink-haired girl by the shoulder until black flames hit him from the side.

"No one wants to listen to your crap!" Zancrow screamed.

Now, seeing what was happening to his teammates, Caprico walked up to Meredy and whispered "you wouldn't want to know where babies come from. Trust me" and then he walked away.

Meredy just simply ignored the warning and looked up to Kaine, who was also her one of her only hopes in finding out where babies come from.

Kaine saw Meredy staring at her. Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead. "d-d-don't askmeidon'tknowanything!"

Meredy nodded her head. She was the only one capable of understanding what the large man says.

Meredy turned to her Master Hades, only to see that chair he sat on. 'Must've sneaked out…' she thought.

**1 hour Time-Skip**

Meredy was making her way to her room. when she walked by Kaine's room, someone had dragged her in the large man's room. She looked up and saw that it was none other than Ultear who had dragged her in.

She looked around and saw Kaine and Zancrow standing there.

Ultear sighed. "Meredy, I really don't want to do this but I am left with no other choice." She pinned Meredy to the floor and told Kaine to pin down Zancrow to the floor and start the video.

Upon seeing the video, Meredy and Zancrow's eyes went wide as blood started to drip from their noses.

They were forced to watch _porn._

Yes. _Porn. _

A grown man and a little girl who doesn't know were babies come from are now watching _porn._

Yes, this was Ultear's way of giving her adoptive daughter 'The Talk.'

'_I'll regret this in the future.' _The time mage thought.

But for now, she will just have watch Meredy (and maybe even Zancrow) undergo therapy. But hey, at least they now know where babies come from. Right?

**3 years after the Tenrou Island incident.**

The three mages of Crime Sorciere were resting inside a cave after destroying yet another dark guild. However, Jellal found a movie lacrima and decided to keep it, believing that it might give some clues about the other dark guild locations.

"okay, I'm playing it…now" The blue-haired man said, activating the lacrima crystal.

A video showed up in mid air as the three fugitives watched in silence.

Meredy had a hard time focusing on the movie due to the amount of blood she lost during the battle. But she did manage to see a scene.

An extremely graphic scene.

The video wasn't some ordinary video, it was porn.

Yes, pornography.

_Thump_

Ultear looked at Meredy who, had fainted due to the amount of blood she lost today.

She looked at Jellal and saw him unconsciously wipe the blood off his nose.

'_I knew I would regret not giving Meredy the talk properly…'_

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**Yeah! Last chapter for 'The Talk!' so, did you guys like it? Did you? did you?**

**Well anyway, leave a review and tell me what you think! **

**Also, for those who are reading 'It's all Jellal's Fault!' please wait patiently. I have to make the Jerza in there perfect. But that's a really hard task to do especially if I have some tests coming up.**

**Anyway,**

**Ja Ne minna~**


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